Spectacular Tuesday

So its later in the month and to tell the truth I'm feeling good. It's not all roses but on the whole, the grand scheme and the overall outlook, things are on the up.

Ive decided that as A.) I live in Australia merely 20 metres from the nearest beach B.) I'm single that it may be time to get in a little bit of shape for the summer. So that means no drinking and back to the gym. The drinking thing is temporary, 6 weeks at least but that has to be good for my wallet if anything which in turn means money for the summer, which again in turn means money to undo all this good work.

These two things become irrelevant if you don't eat properly so the nights of Pizzas and Thai have to go. This all seems like a good idea, but i have had to give up my one true love for this to mean anything, shes been there through the good times and the bad, first girlfriends to lost friends, fall outs to falls and she never once judged. That she i talk about so fondly is 'Smoking'. God i miss her so much, but it was never going to last, she took my money regular and left her aroma all over when she left. She scared females away and also made me ask randoms if I could "bum a fag" when I ran out in a drunken stupor. But alas she is gone for good and the lungs are clearing.

So that's all about this week, a positive week, a step in the right direction.

Oh, wait the best part of the week maybe even the year occurred last night in front of the television. 'Dance Yo Ass Off' the finest concept for a television show has finally broken out and aired on channel 9. I sat for hours l st night as "big boned" and all round fat people danced gleefully to the hummings of Lady Gaga and Britney Spears. This allowed me to laugh my fucking ass off for 2hours at people fresh out of the KFC kitchen lunge, spin and pirouette around a stage in the most reveling and homo-erotic outfits ever seen made to elephant size.

The tears at the end of the show at the first contestants elimination, weren't wasted on me as i sat awake all evening wondering if she would be crying in a KFC family bucket or a selection of MacDonald's burgers and sides.

Then after that show had provided side splitting laughter along comes Clarkson and the boys,hidden away on the old Foxtel Planner, providing an hour of more fasinating television as they attempted and sucessed to navigate their way to the north pole in a Toyota Hilux.

Spectacular tuesday.

Hairdressing 1.01

So i went for a hair cut today.....got the old christmas party tomorrow night and I need a trim....Now normally i will take a stroll into town and get my good man Martin to cut my hair, great hairdresser shame he's irish....anyway he's on his 3rd three week holiday of the year and i decided to nip into this little barbers by the office for a trim. I bring attention to the part trim....I should have known, when she couldnt figure out why the razor wouldnt turn on and I helpfully pointed out that it wasnt turned on, the second sign should have been the guy in front of me leaving with what can only be described as a Dolph Lundgren: Universal Soldier style barnet. Lets get to it i ask for short at the sided shorter at the front blend back to a bit longer at the top and bag the standard modern day mullet, been the same for years but still it works (sometimes). So after 10 minutes of hacking, sparks and hair everywhere i am begining to resemble Ricky "f*cking" Martin, so i explain again i want a trim in the style previously stated....however as she lined up the flymo for a second pass i heard, what can only be described as a truck passing through a bush as she took a chuncks out of my head at random intervals. Suffice to say that i am less than impressed at my haircut i gave her the chance to apologise, a chance she wasted and asked if that was good for me.....'No' i thought now is your time of reckoning my technically ungifted pedigree chum....."are you f*cking joking I asked for a trim and look what you have done, f*cking stupid tw*t..." inteligent NO, gets the point across Yes. I swear she looked like she had killed lassie and bambi with one fell swoop of her razor and i was the child that had found the carcasses.....
This better grow fast
Moral of the story: Wait for Martin to return

the truth about our weekends of fun

Ive pissed and moaned for weeks now to no avail. I v had zero luck with women lately and i have figured out why......I say tonights the night i have spoke to this girl about 3 or4 times now she always begins the conversation or flashes a look across the bar and what do i do....i just stand on the smoking patio shooting the sh*t with mates and shaking randoms hands while kissing their chicks on the cheek to then have a pointless conversation about some guy we both know and how he’s loose or has been seeing someone we never thought possible......its the same old, same old and I couldn't care less because saying to the boys we havnt had s*x in so many weeks, months, years is funny and its funnier when we actually do scrape a drunken fumble around the nether regions of some randoms oversized, over worn undies and we get sledged for it. I reckon we all accept the fact that unless your 18 and a surfer or footy head its difficult to pick up hot chicks when you’d really sub-consciously rather just be with your mates and pick up on the failures each of them because they to equal your own. Im the guiltiest of them all and mate I don't care because I know that you will be on this boat train or plane with me and say that this summer is going to be epic, just as the months leading up to it have been...Good group of lads, good booze, bad chicks= hilarity guaranteed